in a funk

They say a Nor’easter’s a comin’ this afternoon. Nothing like a forecast of big snow to initiate a panic in these parts. Like a warning shot fired into the air, a dusting of powdery white stuff arrived this morning, letting folks know they should get busy wrenching some productivity from the day before it’s too late. As for me and little D, we’re not amongst the throng bustling around for last minute supplies and $1 movie rentals. We’re still in our jammies, coughing till our heads pound and working our way through another box of Kleenex. 

I woke up this morning 100% done with feeling crappy. In fact, I didn’t even want to deal with today at all. If I could, I would have dosed up on another round of cough medicine and slept till I was back to feeling myself. Which leads me to the topic at hand: feeling myself. Not sure what that really looks like at the moment. Could be the Nyquil hangover talking, but I’ve felt a lingering funk for a bit now. I think I’ve been trying to compartmentalize it, separating various vague feelings into different, more palpable categories. For example, there was the “holiday craziness” bucket, and then the “post-holiday haze” bucket, followed by “sickness round 1” and then “sickness round 2.” Certainly on paper a degree of funktified-ness could be explained by all those buckets. And there’s something familiar about this feeling and the timing of it, like a distant relative who visits at the same time every year and overstays it’s welcome.  I can’t help but wonder to what degree feeling funky is simply connected to winter. 

When I started this blog it was fall, which is hands-down my absolute favorite time of year. I love everything about the harvest season—the smells, tastes, sights and sounds. The aura of earthiness that clings to everything, making our technology-driven lives feel for a moment more connected to the agricultural rhythms of the past. My soul feels more grounded in the fall. And then one morning once-brisk breezes give way to bone-chilling winds, and in place of burnt, earthy hues filling the sky is a pollution-grey---thick, heavy, relentless. Now when there’s a good snow it’s magical. For a brief period, the ugly landscape gets a What-Not-to-Wear-wardrobe-pick-me-up with a fluffy white coat. 

Winter without snow feels barren, winter with snow feels dormant. But then snow complicates the business side of life and if it lingers too long next thing you know what started as a gift morphs into a curse. What a weird season….Well, if I can find my way back to healthy perhaps things will look brighter. And in the meanwhile I’ll enjoy whatever snow the Nor’easter brings since D and I don’t really have a packed schedule today J.